Well, I'm once again among the living of LJ land. Life has been a crazy whirly-gig of fun the past 9 months and things are finally settling down again.
Work
I am now working for a general contractor. I started out as an executive assistant (read: "Johnny on the spot"), but am now as close to an Office Manager as one can get without actually being the Office Manager (we already have one of those). The pay is insanely good, but the work environment is just this side of craptastic. To sum it all up, I'm not overly fond of the boss man. He's abrupt, loud, obnoxious, and comes off as very arrogant. His saving grace is that he is a genuinely good person who is generous to a fault. He breaks his back helping others and I totally respect that. I actually do get a long with him a wee bit better than I did when I started, but we still have a long way to go in our working relationship. However, the office manager? ROCKS! She is one of the coolest people I've ever met. She has a wicked sense of humor for someone who is 50 years old. I just can't get used to seeing this put together, older woman use the word "retarded" when referring to people who annoy her. It's great!
Home
As of right now, my brother is unemployed and living in some guy's house that he used to work with. He blew his role of father so badly that my nephew prefers to live with my former sister-in-law, who I might add, I totally owe an apology to. I've often referred to her as "the child abandoning whore." Well, she may have abandoned her child and I may still consider her a whore, but she's come a long way and has her life together well enough to be doing something with herself...which is more than I can say for certain members of my family coughBURKEcough. All that aside, the home life actually is a lot calmer and more relaxed now that Jake is with his mother. I miss him terribly, but I think this situation will actually be for the best.
Personal
Now on to my big news. I've been trying to figure out what I want. Primarily, what I want from life. I know one thing. I don't want to wake up when I'm 50 with regrets. Now that I'm healthy (well, physically healthy), I actually do have options again. I was holding myself back from even thinking of doing something grown up for myself because I was stuck in the idea of being ill or rearing my nephew. I missed four years of life when I was ill and feel like I have some catching up to do before I "grow up." By "grow up," I mean settling down into a career, buying a house, getting married, having kids, etc. I'm grown up right now in that I'm mature and an adult. Wow, I almost typed that with a straight face. However, I've got it good with my living situation in that I'm able to pretty much do whatever I want with the money I'm making. So, for awhile I thought, "I'll buy a house and be truly independent." Well, that's a grand idea in theory, but not a reality in the state of Florida right now. As a single woman, I could apply for tons of money, but I don't want to buy a $200K house. It's just not practical to me especially if rumors of a real estate market busting are even likely to be true. That leaves me with the possibility of moving out of state (probably somewhere in the Georgia/Alabama/Tennessee area -- which Yay! How much closer would I be to all my friends if I do that? Pretty darn close) But, doing that takes quite a set of cahones considering that I don't know anyone in the areas where I would potentially be moving. I would literally be picking up my life and starting all over again by myself. The other problem with that is I would have no more of a solid career than I do now. I don't want to do office work the rest of my life. I still very much want to be a film editor. I don't care if I'm editing commercials, movies, television, or even those hideous Sci-Fi Original movies like "Squid 4 -- Calamari's Revenge." The film industry is the only thing I've ever been passionate about and the only thing I can see myself doing for the rest of my life. Well, moving out of state would pretty much be ending that dream. So, I came up with some goals for myself.
Goal #1 -- Lose Some Weight Fat Girl. Or what I like to call, "You're roughly the size of a small meteor and men don't find that attractive, so let's do something about that, shall we?"
This one is fairly self-explanatory. This time last year I had just lost about 50 lbs. and was down to a size I never thought I'd see again after high school. I did it the right way and was very proud of myself. So proud in fact, that I thought I should reward myself by going off my diet (both allergy diet and weight loss diet). The end result? An addiction to Prednisone, an addiction to pain pills, and the 50 lbs. gained back with an additional 30 lbs. thrown in for good measure. Now, I won't bore you with the details of the first two end results. I'll tell you that I was pretty F'ed up and have since gotten professional/medical help and am fine. But, it was something I'm not proud of and never thought I would have a problem with. Little did I know that Heather likey pills! Thanks to the help of people who are way more intelligent than I am, I'm back on my maintenance dosage of Prednisone (3-5 mg a day) and haven't taken a pain pill since April 11th -- just passed a 90 day mile stone. I'm also back on my allergy and weight loss diet and seeing great results. Go me!
Goal #2 -- Get my lazy butt back to school.
I've been putting it off and making excuses because frankly, I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm going to be 30 yrs. old when I graduate and will have to compete with a bunch of snot-nosed grads in a very dog-eat-dog job market. I'm scared that I won't physically be able to do the film program I was in before. I'm not exactly 19-20 anymore. All nighters aren't even something I think I could do anymore. I'm still scared that it's not a practical career and that I'm going to be a failure face to my family and friends. I'm scared that by picking such a competitive career I'm going to be a full time waitress while I wait for my big "break" like the rest of the people in all aspects of the film industry. So, I think about those things a lot and end up not being serious about putting money away like I should to go back. That way I have an excuse -- "Oh, I don't have the money to go back yet." But, it's all crap. I can do it if I just take that leap and go for it.
Goal #3 -- Take a tour of Europe
This goal will actually be happening in September of 2006. My mother and I are going to tour Western Europe for a month. I've laid out most of the details and we both have already put in at our jobs to take a month-long leave of absence. We'll be leaving Ft. Myers on Sept 1 and driving to New York, New York. We'll be in New York for two days before boarding the Queen Mary 2 to cross the Atlantic for 6 days. We'll arrive in Southampton, England and spend the next 10 days touring England, Scotland, and Ireland. Then we board another ship in Dover (London), England for a 14 day cruise/tour of Paris, France; La Corona, Spain; Funchal (Madeira), Spain, and then we're back across the Atlantic on that ship to Miami, Florida. This is the most impractical and frivolous thing I've ever wanted to do, but I'm totally doing it. I was going to go by myself, but my mom was listening to my plans and asked if she could come too. I was surprised because she's never wanted to do anything in Europe, but I think it's more about going with me than anything, which just makes me all verklempt. So, it's going to be me and Big Donna tearin' up the continent!
I think that is enough updating for now. Hopefully, I'll have more time and energy to write these days with my job. It's not quite as demanding of my time as my other job was. Tootles, ya'll!
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| Date: | 2005-07-08 17:37 |
| Subject: | Whoo-whee! |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  giddy | | Music: | Alcohol by Brad Paisley |
Long time, no post...like, at all.
Life has been a veritable whirly-gig of non-fun the past 8 months of my life, so I decided to take a break from being a responsible human being and indulged a wee bit too much of certain substances. The result? An addiction that proves once and for all that, gasp!, Heather is human and has vices just like everyone else. But, Heather is also one of the most stubborn and strong willed people you will ever meet and was able to overcome said addiction.
So, now I'm back on the wagon of life and ready to post again. I'll try to do a huge update on what all is going on in the Land of Me (south of the Land of You) later this week.
Stay tuned!
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| Date: | 2004-11-10 21:57 |
| Subject: | Just a little more... |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  exhausted | | Music: | Hurt by Johnny Cash |
Just one more bite...just one more sip...just one more word...just one more pill.
Feel. That's all you want. To feel.
You take that bite. You know it will make you sick.
You take that sip. You know it will make you wretch.
You say those words. You know it will make them hurt.
You swallow that pill. You know it destroys those cells.
Bite. Sip. Speak. Swallow.
Another day. Another fight. Will you be able to stop yourself next time? Or will you keep on doing the self-destructive things you do?
Is the normalcy of health too much for you? Is it easier to be sick?
When you're sick at least you feel. You feel pain. You feel empathy. You feel alive because it never stops.
How do you go back to normal after that? How do you learn to feel again when you've been dying for three years?
You do the things you know will take you back to that place.
You take that bite.
You sip that drink.
You say those words.
You swallow that pill.
And it all starts again tomorrow.
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| Date: | 2004-11-03 17:53 |
| Subject: | Gacked from.... |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  touched |
I read this from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) maidenjedi:
"I consider myself to be an intelligent individual and just because my vote "bleeds red" does not mean that I cannot make a decision that is based on research, thought, or knowledge."
Amen to that!
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I'm anxious to see how many people de-friend me after this post. Should be interesting.
I've been holding on to this rant for quite some time, so forgive me for probably being long winded and/or repetitive.
It breaks down like this. People don't like Bush because they don't like to be told they're wrong. Bush is right, and you are wrong. Deal with it.
It is not the Government's job to deal with the consequences of your mistakes via your irresponsible way of living.
Not fiscally responsible? Then you don't get health care and it's not the Government's job to provide it for you. Don't pout and whine to me about not being able to afford health care while you play on your home PC via cable modem while watching that set of Sex and the City DVD's you just bought from BestBuy.com, sipping on your non-fat double latte in the car you can't afford or the house/apt. you rent that's not financially within your budget.
Had more kids than you can financially support? Then either put them up for adoption or :gasp: get a job, work your butt off, and support them as best you can. But don't expect me to pick up the tab for your irresponsibility.
Too stupid to use birth control or too much of a whore to keep your legs crossed? Then you suck it up, take some responsibility, and don't expect the Government to allow you to kill your unborn child as a cop-out.
Choose to be gay and and want to be married? (Which is what it breaks down to...a choice. You choose to be gay. It did not choose you. Urges come and go in everyone, you choose to act on them or not.) Then move to another region where the "government" will cater to your abnormal and immoral lifestyle whims so you can be "married" forever and ever, amen. Because marriage? Not a basic human right by any means. It is no more your basic human right than it is mine. I'm allowed to do so because our laws state that my marriage is valid and legal and yours is not. Why? Because you're marriage is morally wrong, not the norm, and shouldn't be allowed based on the laws of the land. That's the way it should be and God willing, that's the way it's going to stay because so far, America still remembers right from wrong. That's what our laws are meant to be based on. Morals and standards.
It all comes down to how you live your life and the consequences of the life you live. It is not the Government's job to take care of your problems. Take some freaking responsibility for the immoral, fiscally irresponsible life you live and deal with it. But, don't, I repeat, don't assume that the Govt. is going to be your helping hand-out every time you screw up.
As to why Bush won? Frankly, I was surprised. I lost faith in the American people long ago, but this has bolstered my belief that America is not the God-less country I thought she once was. But, when you break it down, that's why he did win. America was founded on the Bible and its principles. Evidently, the core of America still believes in that enough to support the candidate who best represents what God wants for this country and the world.
[ETA: Before I'm accused of being a hate-filled monger let me say that I don't hate anyone I referred to above. I don't hate John Kerry, I don't hate Democrats, and I don't hate anyone who doesn't agree with Bush and/or me whether they be gay, immoral, amoral, Buddhist, Catholic, Muslim, [insert any other wacky religion out there today], or anything different from me. I don't agree with any of the above mentioned people and at the end of the day I sure as heck don't respect them or their lifestyles. However, one is able to not hate and disagree with at the same time.]
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| Date: | 2004-10-05 19:07 |
| Subject: | I am 5... |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  giggly | | Music: | Don't Cry Out Loud |
I received a memo today from "BJ Enterprises," a company we buy wholesale electrical equiptment from. It was to inform us that they were being bought out by "Seimen Electronics." I, being the 12 year old that I am, sat and giggled at said memo for at least half an hour. The bad part is that I just got over my need to giggle everytime I call BJ Enterprises on the phone. Now? I have to start all over again with Seimen Electronics. Stupid people and their names that bring forth junior high imagery.
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Nothing seems to be going right at the moment.
I'm really in a rut of having bad crap going on and having no answers and having no one to talk to about it.
My dad is now in a position, at the age of 60, of having to find a new job. He's never filled out a job application before. He's worked three jobs his entire life. All three started when he was 15 years old. He worked at what is now knows as Winn-Dixie every morning before school as a stock clerk in high school. He would then work summers half a day at Chevrolet and half a day at his current job. He started working full-time at his current job when he turned 17. That's 43 years at the same job. Most people don't even stay in the same profession for that long, let alone the same job. Enter new ownership 5 years ago. Mom and Pop Car Garage goes down the drain faster than an unwanted pregnancy on prom night. Ok, so not that fast, it's been 5 years. But, in terms of taking down a 48 year old smartly run business, that's fairly fast. So, now the owner owes Uncle Sam somewhere in the ballpark of $70K and has no way of paying it. Dad's got to find a new job. How scared is the old man? He won't let on, but I know he's terrified. He's in an industry that is extremely competitive and very dog-eat-dog. Most people want to hire a 20-something young guy who will work for $400 a week. They don't want to hire the 60 year old man with 45 years experience and specialty training. Why? Because that kind of experience and training demands a higher salary. And said old man is only going to make you money for another 10 years at best. Right now, he has about 7 or 8 positions that are open to him, but none that he's totally comfortable with. But, that's how it is right now. Beggars can't be choosers when bills have to be paid.
As for me...while my job is going splendidly, my personal life is in a rut. I'm incredibly lonely right now. All my friends, save 2, live in different states. The 2 that live here are workaholics and either don't have the time or the money to do anything. That leaves me with my long distance friends. I feel I've grown apart from them. There's just no real relationship there anymore. We've all changed and separation just makes things worse. I feel I don't even know my best friends anymore. What I do know of them, I wish I didn't. There are so many things they do/think/feel that I don't respect and find repulsive. How can a relationship not built on respect even last? The answer is it doesn't. I see that now. I see how things have been the last few months and I'm saddened, but feel no real loss. That tells me that the relationship wasn't that solid to begin with. If I can just drop it and not feel anything more than a passing sadness, then I know I haven't really lost anything big to begin with.
I've found myself attracted to someone I have no business being attracted to. One of those situations where the idea of a relationship is an impossibility, not to mention, morally wrong. Wouldn't be the first time, probably won't be the last. You wish to God the feelings would just go away, but they don't. For a few nanoseconds, you are able to enjoy how you feel. Then reality crashes back into you and reminds you that "Hey, it's impossible. Give it up, already."
Good Lord, I'm incredibly depressing. I've got to start updating with more cheerful things. Here's something for you all. My nephew got a 74 on his spelling test this week. Now, normally, one would go, "A 74? What is he? Retarded? How is that a good grade?" But, for a 10 year old who just doesn't get phonics and who since the first week of school has gotten nothing higher than a 35 on his spelling tests, that? Is a vast improvement. Go Jacob! Here's to better spelling test grades and more Yu-Gi-Oh victories.
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Let's see. What have I to update?
The Job: I've held off on saying that I was working because the job was a temp position with a small possibility that I may be asked to stay on permanently. Well, I knew as soon as I said anything about it to anyone my time there would be done just due to fate's love of kicking me in the crotch while I'm down on the ground coughing up blood. So, I kept my yapper shut. Lo and behold, my boss offered me the permanent position today. Whoo, and might I say, Hoo!
I am now gainfully employed at City Electric Supply Co. Said company is an electrical parts supplier. I work in the office (group) that manages our 8 closest branches. I supervise and process all the paperwork for 4 of those branches (Venice, Bradenton, Cape Coral, and Bonita Springs). From the moment something is ordered until it is paid and sometimes after that, there is paperwork. I am engulfed with it on a daily basis. It's really just a cycle that never ends. But, I'm happy and I love this job. It's easy, the people are nice, and it's something that I find myself smiling about when I'm doing it. Very good for now!
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Whoo hoo! Hurricane Ivan has turned and will not directly hit us. Hallelujah. Maybe we won't even get any rain or wind. Some other shmucks are going to get it in the kisser instead of us. Does that make me evil that I'm happy about that?
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I wasn't even aware of such kinks until tonight...wow, just wow.
Enjoy!
Edited to add: Ok, I was going to just leave it at that, but then I ran across this. It's titled "Untitled." I was thinking more along the lines of "Timon takes it up the ass," but that's just me.
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I'm on my lunch today at RJ Gators. I'm sitting in a booth, minding my own business, when the following unbelievably entertaining drama takes place.
Open on a lovely afternoon at your standard Sports Bar & Grill.
A loud screaming match begins towards the front of the restaurant. The exchange has to do with the fact that the hostess skipped a particular waitress' section twice in the rotation of seating people.
The contestants:
Waitress: An early 20's Latina chica. Roughly 5'5. 100-110 pounds soaking wet.
Hostess: An early 20's whiter than white bread, blonde haired, blue-eyed Barbie doll poster child for the Aryan Nation. Roughy 5'7. 120-30 pounds.
The exchange:
Waitress: "If you skip me again, I'm going to call your ass out."
Hostess: "It's my job to seat you when I decide you need someone in your section. Maybe I'll seat them in your section. Maybe I won't."
Waitress: "Oh, hell no. The next two groups to walk through that door better be seated in my section."
Hostess: (evidently decides she's sick of the verbal sparring and wants to take things to the physical level. And she's ready to fight like every white girl you've ever seen fight) ::grabs the waitress by her hair with her left hand and scratches the waitress' face with her right hand::
Waitress: (decides she aint playing this girl fight crap) ::grabs the hostess by her hair with left hand, cold cocks the hostess in the face with her right hand and knocks her on her butt::
Hostess: :: is knocked to the ground and sits in that stage of unconsciouness where they declare boxers to be KO'd even though they're still standing and their eyes are open, hands are seized up in a fist::
Waitress: (decides that wasn't enough) ::starts to go for hostess again::
Enter random construction worker who probably outweighs hostess by a good 100 lbs. and is taller than her by a good 8 inches.
RCW: ::grabs waitress around the waist, but unfortunately doesn't get a hold of her hands::
Waitress: ::stomps on RCW's in-step and then proceeds to elbow RCW in the face::
RCW: ::promptly lets waitress go, throws up his hands:: "I'm done!!!"
Hostess: ::comes out of stupor only to realize she's bleeding profusely from the nose. Also? Begins to cry:: "OMG! You broke my f-ing nose!"
Waitress: ::throws up hands and starts to back off:: Nobody else touch me and I won't touch nobody else.
Enter totally confused manager from the back who's probably about to piss his pants over this.
Manager: ::grabs both waitress and hostess by the shirt sleeve and hauls them to the back of the restaurant. Returns immediately:: "I would like to apologize for what just happened here. If anyone is upset and feels they should be compensated, please see me and I'll take care of you."
Me: ::blinks; considers opening up a Jerry Springer themed restaurant; continues eating::
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Hide your babies and your beadwork!
Not one. Not two. But, three. Three Hurricanes of Mass Destruction. Where have they all hit, you might ask? Southern Florida, i.e. where I live.
When Charley hit, I wasn't that worried. He started out small and wasn't that potent until right there at the end. He gained strength quickly. He smacked us up-side our heads and left a bit of an impression. Well, it wasn't so much the hurricane that left the impression as the 7 days of not having power that left one. You see, in Florida we have something called "humidity." It is the evilest evil that ever did exist. It makes a normally hot day at 90 degrees feel like it's really 109 degrees. Not only that, but it's what makes you all wet and icky. Moisture. GAH! I loathe it! But, we go on. We rebuild. We pick up debris. We move on with our lives.
Then Francis hits. Granted, Francis came across the state, but still packed quite a wallop over here. You see, everything here was still, at best, in shambles from Charley. Debris was picked up, but not hauled away. Buildings were beginning to be repaired, but the work wasn't complete. Take all that, add 75 mph wind gusts, put on the spin cycle and you've got a disaster area all. over. again. No power for another 2 1/2 days. Not as bad as before, but still not a fun time. More humidity, rain all. day. long. GAH! But, we go on. We rebuild. We pick up debris. We move on with our lives.
Oh, but wait! There's another storm on the horizon. It seems that some genius in the National Weather Bureau thinks it's a good idea to name a hurricane IVAN. IVAN! Why not just go ahead and name it Vlad? Or Hannibal. Or Jules Winnfield. Because when you do, you might as well give the thing a wallet that says, "Bad Mother F-er" on it and be done with it. They've already set us up for death and destruction with the name. Now we have the readings to look at. Unlike Charley, this bastard is flirting with the line between category 4 and 5 as a hurricane and it's still over 1000 miles away from Florida. That's roughly 750-800 miles of Carribean waters (the kind that sustain hurricanes and generally allow them to build) and then another 150-200 miles of Gulf water (the very warm and shallow water that allows hurricanes to grow rapidly) to go through. If it hits us directly, it's not going to be a "smack up-side the head." Oh no, my friends. It's going to be a pimp slap the likes of which we've never seen. It already has a lower barometric pressure than Hurricanes Charley, Andrew, and Donna did (the three worst hurricanes in Florida history, both in death count and destruction). How many people will die this time around? How much damage can this one do? How many days will we be without power this time around? Who knows? All I know is that I'm more than done with this hurricane business. Can we go on? Can we rebuild? Will there be debris to pick up? Can we move on with our lives?
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I've been talking to this guy on Yahoo for a little over a month now. He's 28, actually lives in my town, securely employed, and of a similar religious affiliation. He's incredibly smart, funny, witty, clever, pop culturally well informed, insert random thing I dig here.
The problem? Because of all of the above, he unintentionally makes me feel like a troglodyte. I seriously don't understand 74.6% of what he's saying. He'll make a random pop culture reference, I don't get it, he then has to explain it to me. Kind of ruins the flow of conversation when one has to explain everything they're saying to the other participant. So, I finally break down last night and call him. I never call anyone. I hate the freaking phone with a fiery flames of Hades, but I did it. Why? Because I actually have some sort of friendship with a guy who seems mildly interested in me. We talked for a little over two and a half hours. The longest two and half hours of my life. Not because the conversation wasn't good or that he wasn't fun to talk to, but because I'm unable to talk with a guy like a normal female. It's actually stressful for me. When I got off the phone I was actually sore because I had been tensing my muscles the entire two and a half hours. The scary part? He actually wants to get coffee sometime. How in the world am I supposed to do that? I can barely think of things to say when I'm on the phone and can have a small uncomfortable silence, what pathetic things am I going to spout when I have to speak to him in person? I'll more than likely develop a rampant case of Tourette's and start shouting random inapropriate words to everyone in the Barnes & Noble cafe. Enough of that, on to the next problem. I don't know what he looks like. Supposedly, he says he doesn't know what I look like, even though I know that's complete BS as I have a picture in my profile, many here in my LJ, and I swear I was on my webcam for him at least once, but I digress. I've repeatedly asked for a picture and summarily been denied. He puts it off to not having a picture on his computer or not having a recent picture or any other myriad of excuses that are all very likely. Is it too much to ask to know what someone looks like before I agree to meet them? Does that somehow make me shallow? I mean for me it really is all about curiosity, but there's also a part of me that is scared he's either horribly mangled or just the opposite, really, really attractive. Now, neither of those are problems, I just want to KNOW before I show up somewhere in public to meet him. I guess it just comes down to my thing of being in control. If there are no surprises, I feel like I'm still reasonably in control of the situation. So, will I be able to get over my need to be in control and take that leap for coffee? Or do I turn down a chance to meet a potentially really nice guy who I do enjoy talking to? Oy! My life was almost easier when I was chronically ill and bed ridden for three years. At least I knew what to expect out of life and others.
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Attention female fans of fanfiction! (wow, say that five times fast...if you dare!)
Below is a link to the ever-amazing mona1347's siren call to women in fandom. She is working on a graduate thesis/project type thingy (give me a break, I go to film school. We don't do important stuff like this there) and needs your help. Click here to find out how you can participate and help a wonderful grad student put together what will no doubt be an amazing piece on our favorite hobby: Women and Internet Fandom!
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Not only am I temporarily (at least I hope it's temporary) deaf, but now I have pink eye. Yes, pink eye. That uber annoying infection that is highly contageous and a pain in the butt to deal with. I'll be in my bunk. With lots of Visine and antibiotics.
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| Date: | 2004-08-29 12:59 |
| Subject: | Aye, ya, ya... |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  pensive |
I'm watching CNN right now as they cover the hordes of protestors in NY. They're all walking down the street with their little signs that spout nonsense.
The greatest thing I've seen thus far was an interview with a woman who heads up an organization that is there protesting. When asked why she was protesting, she said something along the lines of "George Bush has made it so there is no such thing as democracy in America. He has taken our freedoms away." That's a rather bold, and moronic statement to make when one is freely participating in a protest. Anyone else seeing the irony in that?
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| Date: | 2004-08-28 14:49 |
| Subject: | Come on, feel the noise... |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: | righteous indignation | | Music: | Come on feel the noise by some random 80's band |
So, sometimes my good ear, as in the only one I can hear out of, stops up. Like today for example. This renders me deaf until a very large dose of Benedryl has been allowed to work it's wacky Benedryl voodoo and makes me much less deaf. Sometimes this is all due to an allergic reaction to a shot or food. Sometimes I don't know why it happens. Like today for example. All I know is that this is the same exact pattern that my deaf ear followed before it became, well, deaf. So, whenever my good ear has an episode like this, it scares me.
I don't want to be deaf. Being deaf would alter my entire life in every single way. I can kiss my career goodbye. I'd have to learn a new language. I would never again hear music. I could never enjoy Broadway or a movie like I do now.
It would be different had I been born deaf. Never having heard Julie Andrews sing "The Sound of Music." Never having heard Kevin Spacey say, "And like that...he's gone" at the end of The Usual Suspects. Never having heard the sound of my nephew laughing. But, if I go deaf now I'll know what it is I'm missing.
I used to think, "Hey, maybe going through X experience will be a good life lesson for me." But, you know what? I'm so over that. Today is just one of those days when I feel like I've been through enough already. I've lived hell. I know it well. I'd like a break now. Would that be too much to ask?
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Well, to start things off I should say that I royally blew my job interview last week. The interviewer asked me where I saw myself in three years. I stupidly, stupidly answered the one answer that no potential employer wants to hear. "Well, I would eventually like to get back to school, so hopefully there." ::smacks head repeadely and with large blunt objects::
It just came out before I even thought about it. I'm so used to it automatically being my answer that I didn't even bother to wonder if an employer would want to hear it or not. Eesh. Stupidity at its finest for you.
On the subject of weight. Yeah, all that whinning I did last week about "oh, I gained 20 lbs in a really short amount of time, blather, blather, blather. I'm so fat I hate my whole life, whine, whine, whine" is effectively not an issue anymore. It's only been a week and I'm already down 10 lbs. My body is so weird. It has a set weight and any fluctuations to said weight come off and on very, very easily. So, I'll shut up now.
I'm actually at work right now. I signed up with a temp agency and they place you at various offices on a temp basis until they find you a temp to perm position. This one is a Real Estate Brokerage for Commercial Businesses. I have no idea what that really means. I just know I'm getting paid to, in the words of the woman who trained me in five minutes, "play around on the internet and computer until the phone rings, then just answer it and transfer it where it needs to go." Nice. Why can't these people hire me full time? Well, it wouldn't matter. I have a very strong work ethic and if I'm not doing something productive when I'm getting paid, it makes me feel guilty. Ah, such is life.
On the up side, I had an interview today that I did not blow and that went extremely well. It's for an ambulatory surgery center. They do pretty much mostly cosmetic surgery, so the main requirements of the job involve kissing a lot of rich, white women's butts and looking nice. (dressy clothes until I make it into scrubs, make-up, hair done at all times, etc.) Sounds like a winner to me.
1 schmuck bait reference | Leave a comment. I demand it!
| Date: | 2004-08-22 10:07 |
| Subject: | Consequences... |
| Security: | Public |
| Mood: |  disappointed |
You know what sucks? Gaining a LOT of weight in a very short amount of time. Admittedly, I deserve it.
I've been bad. And by bad, I mean atrocious. One cannot even fathom the level of cheating I've been doing for the past four weeks.
It started my first week in Louisiana. I allowed myself to eat the higher carb food I love once I got there. Who cares? I'm on vacation. I have so little that I actually enjoy eating, it's time to eat what I want. Second week approached. I got one free day where I got to eat what anything I wanted even foods I'm allergic to because well, I decided I wanted a day to do that. I took extra Prednisone (who's major side effect is, you guessed it, weight gain) to counteract any reactions I might have developed. Well, that cheating "day" turned into a cheating week. I ended up eating a little of something every single day I was there until I left. Then I cheated some more on the way home. Then the first week I was back. That's three weeks of being off my regular diet and two weeks of being off my allergy food diet. All the while, I'm taking at least 35-50mg of Prednisone a day. (my normal dose is 3-5mg a day, so that's roughly 10x's what I should be taking...yes, I know. That's very, very bad) That brings us to the week of Hurricane Charley. That put me back on my allergy diet, but not back on my regular diet. You see, when you have no power and the stores don't have the foods you normally eat, you have to eat what's available....which for me, was a lot of canned vegetables. They, of course, are all high carb.
So, that's four weeks of total cheating and four weeks of taking enormous amounts of a medicine that makes one gain weight.
I noticed something was off when my clothes were a bit, shall we say, snug. So, I weighed myself to see just how bad the damage was. How bad was it? Bad. Very, very bad.
In just 4 short weeks, I've gained 20 pounds. It's not so much the number as the amount of time it took me to do it. That's a lot of weight to gain in a very short amount of time. Most people gain that kind of weight over six months to a year.
But, there is a silver lining here. It's mostly water weight. That comes off very easily. My body is also used to being at 184lbs., so normally when I do fluctuate 5-10lbs. and go back to actively losing weight, it comes off rather fast. I'm hoping that still applies. The next couple weeks will tell. I've put myself on a very, very strict diet and have tapered down my dose of Prednisone back to my original amount. We'll know soon enough, won't we?
Leave a comment. I demand it!
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